Tuesday Fuss : shitty gifts.


We’ve all been there. We’ve all gotten shitty presents. Often enhanced during Christmas, the problem shows the idiotism of the people, who fail at giving gifts absolutely.

Seriously, what on Earth do they think? ‘Oh, they’re going to be so very happy when get this piece of shit!’ – said no one ever.

It happened to me this very day. We were echanging gifts with people we don’t know too well and we don’t know who we’re buying to, only whether they are male or female. We decide on the sum to spend on it and this year we thought the budget should be around 10 euros. Seems totally cool, right? You get someone a gift you otherwise wouldn’t and get one from someone you wouldn’t. And so this year I buy this awesome gift, everyone I ask says they’d want it and wish that it was them that I’d need to give my gift to, I give it to them and they’re so very happy! Consequently, I’m happy as well for having bought something they like.

And that’s when I get my gift. I take the bag. I look inside. I see a lot of packaging and a chocolate bar. I’m thinking ‘okay, let’s check what’s inside, chocolate seems alright.’ So, I do so. A candle. They got me a fucking candle! Are you fucking serious?! Who the fuck thinks ‘they’ll be so satisfied to get this candle’??! I’m like, alright, maybe there’s something inside, maybe a coupon or something… I’ll check at home..
We exit the building, I’m trying my best to stay positive and not show my disappointment. My close friend asks me whether I like the present or not, she can tell I am pissed. I’m like ‘I really hope there’s something else inside’ we check it, just because we’re so curious… There’s nothing there! All the way home we’re joking about it to make the bad feelings go away..I finally get home, I get it all out – I find something else! A magnet with a monkey. WOW. FUCKING HAPPY. Now I have something that will remind me of how I got the worst gift ever. THANK YOU.

To prevent your loved ones from going through that same hellish train of thoughts, here’s the list of things you should avoid as your main part of the gift : 

  1. A candle. Unless they asked specifically for candles or you’re adding it just as a bonus to your gift, never ever buy that. It’s useless and doesn’t make anyone happy, even if they act like it does.
  2. Small decoration pieces to ‘make it more cozy’. Everyone already has tonnes of them in their houses. Also, it is very unlikely you’ll find something that’s suits their style and the idea of the house that they have.
  3. Accessories or clothes. This probably won’t make anyone think it’s useless, but if you don’t get it right, it’s going to stay in their closet for a few months and then go straight to the trash can.
  4. Make up or beauty products. These days most of the people tend to have their very own beauty routine and know what suits their body, skin and style best. Respect that.
  5. Something that has meaning only to you. The best example of this is what my teacher bought to some other teacher from another school. She got them a glass figure, gave a five minute speech about it and said it represented our school very well. Who the fuck wants to get a fucking ad as a gift??
    This also applies to movies’, books’ or series’ references that the person doesn’t know.

Now, if you’re stuck, don’t know what to buy, but don’t want to dissapoint them with one of the above, here are some not-really-original, but the gifts that everyone still loves to get :

  1. Cheques or coupons. The one thing you can buy to a person of any age or any gender, just find out where they are likely to shop.
  2. Loads of chocolate or candy. The thing everyone still likes to get no matter the age or gender. Also, everyone eats candy from time to time and so, they are sure to eat it sooner or later. And it’s still better than a fucking candle.
  3. Proper notebooks. These are the things everyone needs, whatever it’ll be used for : colouring, sketching, solving math equations or writing down the notes from work.

These will not gain you the gold medal of the gift of the era, but are sure to make them at least modestly happy.


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